Elena is back. The galaxy trembles, for Elena has her sights set on Commax. Before I start this story, I'll give you all a summary of what's gone down since I cut her off. After Commax decided that Elena isn't worth his time, she got knocked up by some dude, had a daughter, took a maternal leave, then came back.

She's been back for like two months. Since then she's been all over the mighty Commax. Every fucking Saturday, this broad asks me to kiss her. And every Saturday I turn her down. But last weekend, Elena made a death wish for sure.

Saturday, she touched my butt. NO ONE TOUCHES COMMAX'S BUTT. Commax does not like people touching his butt. She tried to be real slick and sneaky about it too. She was walking past me while I was on the register. As she was walking, her hand started on my waist, and made its way to my right butt check. My eyes were red.

Sunday she told one of the co-workers that I was her boyfriend. She tried to be real slick and sneaky about it too. I was looking at the schedule for the upcoming week. She just happened to come up to me and start conversating. As with most non-comic book conversations, I just nod and smile. Well I wasn't smiling, but I nodded. Then a co-worker walked right by us as Elena was talking. Elena said to the co-worker "You're interrupting my boyfriend." But she said it in Spanish so I wouldn't know. But I did know. How conveinent that I learned how to say boyfriend/girlfriend in Spanish class that Friday. Sorry Elena, but you're not getting over on Commax. Besides, you're damaged goods anyway.

Damn, I tried prank calling again, but this time everyone was ready for me. And by that, I mean no one answered my calls, except for Deokho. Good job Deokho.

Commax hates racism. Commax hates it with a passion. The only person who probably hates racism more than me is Batman. Batman hates everything. That being said, I've created a list of everything that is racist. Here it is:

Dolphins

helicopters

 oak trees

vampire bunnies

XBox 360

hurricanes (according to Louis Farakahn, Hurricane Katrina was a ploy by the government to destroy New Orleans' black population)

tornadoes (why do they only attack trailer parks? RACIST)

Tsunamis (Leave Asia alone fucking racist water)

Right-handed scissors

sock puppets

Adolescent Radioactive Karate Hamsters

harmless robots

diet soda

hard erasers that don't erase good

reverse vampires

Strawberry Kool-Aid

spaceships

Yeah, that's about it. I'm bored. Have a wonderful day.

Ha Ha Ha! The joke is on you. This whole "my cell phone plan is expiring" thing was a lie. My cell is still going strong. The part about me having thousands of unused minutes is true. Now why would I commit all of this deceit? Simple. I wanted you all to be off guard when I made my prank calls.

Yesterday I had a good time making prank calls. I suspect that I was the only one who enjoyed it. Man you guys are no fun, except for Julieto. He's the only one who didn't get bent out of shape because of the prank. My friend Erica got all pissed and threatened to fuck me up. But it's cool because she doesn't know it was me who pranked her. It took her nine minutes to realize that it was a prank call. Shit, I was running out of material too. I pranked one of my co-workers. Her English isn't perfect, so she really didn't know what was going on. Then her boyfriend called me and he probably wants to kick my ass now. Some of bums didn't have the courtesy to pick up the phone when I called. Luckily, I'm a gentleman, so I don't leave prank messages. What sucked the most is that I had to go back and apologize to the people I pranked. I totally learned something from this. That lesson is to never use your cell phone when you're prank calling others. Well actually I didn't learn that because no one really knew it was me. I used a bad Ms. Moneypenny accent. In leiu of this disappointment, I've decided to display some highlights of my pranking:

Commax: Have you had homosexual relations within the past 12 months?

Julieto: Yeah. Everyday man.

__________________________________

Commax: Where do you do your grocery shopping?

Erica: Save-A-Lot.

Commax: You mean that ghetto ass shopping dump?

__________________________________

Erica: I'm gonna fuck up whoever this is.

Commax: No thanks. I'm already in a relationship. But thanks for the offer.

__________________________________

Commax: Are you literate?

Julieto: No.

Commax: Would you like to purchase a Time Magazine subscription?

Julieto: I told you I can't read.

Commax: Would you like to get the magazine so you can look at the pictures?

Julieto: Okay.

Man I got up this morning and I beat my dick something awful. Here's an excerpt of the dialect I exchanged with my testicles:

Commax: Get up! Right now.

Commax's Penis: ...

Commax: Stand up punk. You're about to get the beating of your life.

Commax's Penis: ...

*Commax begins masterbating*

Commax: What now? What now? How you like that huh?

Commax's Penis: ...

Commax: Yeah boy! What's my name bitch? What's my fucking name?

Commax's Penis: ...

Commax: Oh...Oh yes! Don't stop, don't ever ssstooppp... Oh snap!

*Ejackulation complete*

Commax: Time to brush my teeth and get ready for school.

 Yep, I got nothing interesting to talk about. Well, Dick Chaney shot a dude. I'm working on a piece about that, but I need to gather some more evidence. Later.